Thank you's

On the lighter side, here are some thank-you notes our son wrote for his second birthday, sort of:

Dear Nona & Papa,

Thanks for the birthday presents! The Nemo lamp is stupendous, even though that adjective is wearing out its welcome around here. What I'm really excited about, though, is the LeapPad. I'm very hopeful it will help my parents greatly. After I got dad to stop jumping up and down on it ("not that kind of Leap Pad, dear Father!"), I got to teach him how to rewire a simple computer into one capable of wreaking enormous havoc on an unsuspecting public! And I have you to thank for my worldwide conquest...but until then, please keep this note in a safe place.

Love, #1
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Dear Uncle J & Aunt J,

Thanks for the birthday money! It's weird how shiny my dad's eyes looked when he saw it. Anyway, my piggy bank loves being fed, just like me. I just realized that if you guys show someone where you live on the hand [Michigan - ed.], I'm somewhere south of the wrist. Hmmm.

Love, #1
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Dear Aunt C,

Thank you for the Noah's ark. It's been a lot of fun, but something's bothering me: proportions. If the proportions are correct, then Noah's either 15 feet tall or the elephant is a pachydermic midget who wouldn't make for a good beginning to a new elephant race. So I like the idea of a 15 foot Noah. One thing I'm glad of is that the ark doesn't include the "authentic smell." Can you imagine? I hope your Floridian Christmas is grand. Can I come visit sometime?

Love, #1
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Dear Aunt B & Uncle G,

Thank you for the birthday gift of monkey slippers and a tool truck; although...I can't seem to shake the notion that there's a theme. Did you expect my slippers to break and need fixing? Or does the driver of the truck really like monkeys? Until I figure the theme out, I'm having fun counting the monkeys (did you know there's two??) and fixing everything in the house. I'm getting so good I'm going to hire myself out. Do you have anything that's broken? Cause I can do that, too.

Love, #1
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Dear Aunt B-B,

Thank you for my birthday gift. I know it looks like a cash register, but I've discovered that it's really a powerful 'puter (computer, as my parents call it). I've already taken over my parents' bank account, now I'm moving on to bigger targets: toy store websites. Although the feds are after me for my powerful 'puter skills, I think I can stay ahead of them. Thanks again for the 'puter - when I take over the world, you get the first choice of countries.

Love, #1
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Dear Uncle Z & Aunt A,

Theank you for the great birthday books! They're much more fun than barrels of monkeys, plus they don't bite or smell bad. I had a great birthday and don't have enough time for the high calling of playing. Anyway, hope I can see you soon.

Love, #1
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Dear Aunt B & Uncle P,

Thank you for the stuffed moose for my birthday. I named him Bob, which is funny because my other horse's name is Bob...so I call the new one Bobby. Actually, since Bobby has become a denizen of #1-land, my parents haven't stopped fighting about whether he's a reindeer, a moose, or a caribou. They're starting to embarass me. I hope Christmas distracts them. Thanks again!

Love, #1